Dualities, Circular Logic, and Selfishness

So I know that I tend to run in circles and flip flop my opinions but I believe it is because I am a classic Gemini seeing both sides. Now this semester I want to focus on dreams and the workings of the subconcious mind. A sub-theme that will most likely appear in alot if not all of my works will be centered around the classic concept of Man vs. Nature.

Cassie Meier quotes in a comment from my last class critique blog,
"You say that your prophetic dream, and the piece depicting it, was based around the advancement of technology ultimately leading to our demise. Yet your second piece depicts a loosing battle against nature, both literally with the kudzu vines, and symbolically with your fathers unfortunate onset of alzheimer's. The contradiction between the two is interesting, as advancements in technology will eventually lead us closer to a cure for alzheimer's. Responsible pleasure in the mixing of boundaries between the natural and the artificial. There is the argument that technology will be our demise, and the argument that it is a helpful tool and an extension of the self. Is it the medium that is good or bad, or is its value more or less determined by its use..."

Her comment intrigued me because I didn't notice the relationship between my first and second piece yet. They contradict, but that is perfect because in the battle between Man vs. Nature we do not yet know the outcome. Will man prevail in destroying his eden? or will mother nature get her revenge? or even a harmony of the two, a Eutopia?

Amber O'Hara commented,
"I think that the content of your work and the motivation behind the work is connected. To me, you obviously seem concerned with the subconscious, even unconscious affairs of the mind, from dementia to dreams to the subliminal messages that the symbols you insert into your work sends out to your viewers. It seems like you're recording YOUR states of mind (even though it's your father's mind to be concerned about)...are you afraid you're going to forget them if you don't? Are you trying to decipher the truth amid fantasies, dream worlds, lies, disease...? You are a Gemini, ruled by thought. I like where you are going. But like I said before, they should be bigger, you're using a 4x5!"

I think she might be right. Am I afraid of forgetting? Perhaps this is what drives so many people to obsessively photograph their children growing up?..the fear of forgetting...?
I really think that she is on to something when she says I might be trying to decipher the truth amid fantasies, dream worlds, lies, disease, etc. This is what I feel as though I am trying to do.

After the tumultuous upheaval of the foundation of lies my past was built on, I am now left to clean up the rubble and put the puzzle back together except things still aren't right.

So then my artwork is is about me trying to figure out my life while trying not to forget it.
So then my artwork is SELFISH and geared towards myself. Perhaps this is the reason Jeff could only ask me "why?" maybe because it is all about me. I am selfish.

IS IT WRONG TO MAKE SELFISH ART?

I can't really expect to change the world with my art. I can't even really expect to make any money. So what is the point of making art other than for myself? before I can change the world shouldn't I figure out what exactly is wrong with it?
Gosh I am just so confused, yet pushing forward with my work. I believe that I am heading in a direction, a progression, but I also plan on looping back around circles because I may have missed something the first time....